Standards too high?

One of the reasons why I keep on writing is because I know I am not alone in the pursuit of a better story, or rather, the best possible story. And I salute all you young men and women who are not willing to settle for anything less than what you have hoped for and and less than what you know you are worth. Congrats for not being offended with remarks like "Masyadong mataas standards mo!" or "Tatanda ka nang dalaga nyan, hija!". Thank you for keeping the faith and fighting a good fight!

Although I don’t really keep a checklist of what I want for in a man and in courtship, I do have standards. Some are negotiable (e.g., appearance, race, talents, hobbies, sum of bank savings, food preference, nature of occupation/business, and the likes), but there are those that are strongly NOT (faith, values, morals, purpose). I also personally have set more practical guiding principles for dealing with the opposite sex.

We set standards so that (a) we would have a measure for evaluating and making choices, (b) so we would not be misled, (c) so we would have a mark ensuring we don’t cross lines nor shortchange ourselves, and (d) so we could identify what’s bad, good, and the best (go for the “best”, sweetheart!).

Not everybody would agree and appreciate the standards you set. Some would regard them as too old-fashioned, too conservative, too outdated, or too radical. Some might even criticize them as to prideful of you (in fairness, they shouldn’t really be out of arrogance but out of self-worth). But regardless of what other people might think, refuse to lower your standards and your expectations. No, never— not to please and attract a man; not to conform to society; not to keep up with your friends. I want to assure you: It is okay to have high standards… It is okay to be extra cautious… You never have to apologize for wanting to guard the purity of your heart, the honor of your self, and the glory of your Maker.

not a 1D fan, but I like this! :)

Never fear that because of the principles that you hold high, that cute guy in your class or office would not like you, would stop pursuing you, or would be interested in someone else— someone “easier” to woo, someone unguarded and willing to settle.

Darling, if they cannot recognize your worth, let them move and let them go. Someone out there would be willing to rise up to meet your high standards. Someone out there is looking and praying for exactly what you’ve got and what you stand for, and will never try to bargain your value or doubt your worth.

And oh, next time someone comments that your standards are too high, don’t feel sorry. Tell them, “Thank you” :)       *wink, wink*

XO,
Ate Jez
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Afraid for love to fade? (In love ka ba talaga, o takot ka lang?)

"Kung mahal mo, ano pa'ng hihintay mo?"
This is cliché advice#1 that I have NEVER given to anyone over the past few years of teaching on Purity and God-honoring romance.
It's wonderful having someone who suddenly makes you feel alive, loved, and cared for. You may think no one has made you feel this way, and you can't help but to be dazzled at the strong feelings that are there. But the reality is that this feeling of urgency and intensity or strong affection toward another person is not necessarily a reliable indicator of true love and the right time.

"Kung kayo, kayo."

This is cliché advice#2 that I NEVER give to those who I encourage to wait. Why? Because while I  do believe in Biblical destiny, I also believe that putting romance on hold by waiting on God is NOT simply a matter of trusting in "fate". In other words, hindi ka "maghihintay" dahil lang passive ka at naniniwala ka na gagawa ang tadhana ng paraan para sa inyo. Babaw 'nun. It is MORE THAN that. When you wait, it is a matter of Godly obedience, trust, patience, and truth.

It makes me sad that many are jumping into romance even if it's clear to them that it's not yet the right time— not mainly because they are terribly, terribly in love,  but because if you open their hearts and minds, you'll see that  they are terribly, terribly afraid that the passion, excitement, and urgency that comes with their strong emotions would die away if not expressed immediately.

"There is no fear in love..." (1 John 4:18).

Here's my prayerful plea: Never hop on a relationship mainly because you are afraid for the feelings to fade if you wait. A Christian author once said, “One of the most powerful evidences of [genuine love] is its ability to overcome the limitations of time.” True, divine, sincere love is patient, and can stand the test of time. It does not diminish during the period of waiting; rather, it deepens and sweetens all the more when its time has come.

Do not let the waiting scare you into jumping to romance prematurely. Ladies (and gentlemen too), until the time is right, do not give your heart to someone just because you fear he might soon lose interest in you. If in the waiting process the feelings and passion grow cold and diminish, do not regret; be grateful... for time has revealed truth ('buti nalang!).

After all, what you and I really, really desire is TRUE LOVE, not some cheaper version of it, don't we? Then I recommend the time of waiting as a dependable test for true, sincere love. Don't follow your feelings and passion until they've been tested.

"Waiting for romance can be guided by wisdom. Then we can experience the season of courtship at the right time and the right pace with a clear purpose and a clear head. This is romance at it's best.” Joshua Harris

Considering romance? Give it time. Give it space. Do not fear. Trust. Wait. Hope. Obey.

"So Jacob worked seven years for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days."
(‭Genesis‬ ‭29‬:‭20‬)

xx,
Jez Manugue

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Para sa Hopeless Romantic

Hopeless Romantic
/ˈhōplis - rōˈmantik/
adjective
• taong in love sa love 

Some signs that you are a hopeless romantic:

• You are a sentimental dreamer of true love and perfectly-written love stories. For you, it’s not just about love, exchange of “I Do’s”, and a happily ever after; it is also about a beautifully-written and thoughtfully-staged love story
• Your love for love is regularly fuelled by romantic comedies and chick flicks — ranging from One More Chance to Starting Over Again to The Notebook to Harry Met Sally; and you are always on the watch for the next big rom-com showing in cinemas
• You are a sucker for YouTube videos of wedding proposals and wedding SDE's, as you creatively imagine what yours would and should look like 
• You loudly say “awwwww” at the strangest and most ordinary gestures of thoughtfulness
• You have made it your life mission to look for “The One” and finally love him/her forever
• You constantly dream and envision of when, where, and how fate will put you and Mr.Destiny together in a fairy-tale-like, slow-mo-ish setup

In Christian circles, young men and women are encouraged to prioritize purity, wait on romance, and believe that if they fully trust and obey, God would lead us to the right person at the right time. I have nothing against these teachings — in fact, I have also been teaching these to the youth over the past five years (hence this blog).
But I also have observed that as young people entrust the area of the love life to God in faith, believing for their God-designed destiny, many slowly slip into the hopeless romantic category — in love na in love sa love story fantasies nila, patay na patay sa romantic experience that could be, over-romanticizing their relationships-to-be.


Here are some dangers of being a hopeless romantic:

1. The danger of rushing into a relationship

When someone new comes along, you begin to immediately recall your favorite scenes from that movie, all the hugot songs on your playlist, all your fanciful notions of how happy you can be when you finally are with someone; you’d begin to imagine of how cute you’d look together, how he would pull-off a fairy-tale-like surprise engagement, how charming your wedding photos would look, and how you’d grow old together. And you therefore conclude this is love. You need to be in a relationship with that person. Now.

(How hopeless, how desperate, right? :-D)


2. The danger of making an idol out of romance and marriage
And "idol" is something we worship... we put our hope in... something/one which/whom we are desiring above God... anything that we put in God’s place in our hearts.
Because we hear too much about waiting for the "right one" and about how beautiful it will be at the right time, and we always talk about how we should be into preparing ourselves for marriage, it is possible to want it too much that it already becomes an idol in our hearts.
We might be too mesmerized by the idea of it that we fall into the temptation of thinking that romance and marriage is the ultimate gift, that it is God’s ultimate gift for women… when the truth is it is not (with hope of not sounding too churchy, Jesus is God’s ultimate gift!).

3. The danger of unrealistic expectations

I love Disney movies,
but this one's too funny to ignore :-D

There is that kind of sentimental linking to romance. Oftentimes one reads a story or sees a movie, and one feels as if the story is really a woman's dream of what a perfect hero in her life would be. It's a kind of noble Christian fantasy of the place, the perfect man, the sense of destiny. And while I feel that God is very understanding of all this, I also believe that He doesn't want us to lose ourselves in vain imaginations.

Our culture tends to over-romanticize everything and as a result many young girls are fed with inaccurate preconceptions about what relationships and marriage will look like. Some, before entering into a marriage covenant think purely romance, sunset walks holding hands, cuddling together on the couch — basically thinking that marriage is going to be something like a fifty-year date! It is dangerous to have an overly romanticised view of marriage because marriage, while it involves romance, is not all romance. And when one has this over-romanticized view of relationships and marriage there sure will be disappointment for the hopeless romantic.


I will always be a believer of love (teehee!).. will always believe that romance is beautiful, and that finding a suitable mate would be a wonderful, wonderful blessing from the Lord. I will never stop encouraging young men and women to wait on God (and prepare!) and hope for the future He has prepared for us. I will always be leaning in and looking forward to the awe-inspiring love story that God is yet to unfold in my life…
But it is my plea, my friends, that we may know by heart that in as much as it would surely add joy in our lives, romance and marriage are NOT the end-all and be-all of life — its joy, fulfillment, and beauty. Hope for it, yes, but don't be desperate and count on it as the ultimate gift in life! :)

Three reasons why you must Guard your heart

Guard your heart (Part 1): Three reasons why you must guard your heart

There’s a well-known verse in Proverbs that gets quoted often, especially to younger girls who are entering the age of dating and relationships.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is a piece of advice from King Solomon dating centuries ago, yet it still speaks a powerful truth to us today-- that it is imperative to guard our hearts. Here’s why:

1. Because the heart is extremely precious

Hindi mo kailangang ingatan at bantayan ang mga bagay na wala namang value. Tuwing Biyernes ng gabi, inilalabas ng kasambahay namin ang mga basura sa bahay, at iniiwan lang niya na totally unguarded sa tabing-daan ang mga ito. Bakit? Dahil wala naman itong halaga; it’s junk!

Not so with your heart. Ito ang kaibuturan ng kung sino ka. It is your authentic self ---the core of your beng. It is where all your dreams, your desires, and your passions live. Ito ang bahagi ng iyong pagkatao na umuugnay sayo sa Diyos at sa ibang tao.

Kaya nga ang sabi ni King Solomon (na mas matalino at marunong pa kay Tata Lino), bantayan mo ang puso mo “above all else”. Hindi suggestion ito eh, kundi sinasabi niya na gawin mo itong priority.  Bantayan mo. Ingatan mo. Huwag mo basta-basta ipamimigay. Huwag mong basta-basta ipapakuha. Guwardyahan mo rin na tama ang kalagayan nito.

2. Because your heart is the root of everything you do

King Solomon says, “it is the wellspring of life”. In other words, it is the root and source of everything you do. Mula sa iyong puso dumadaloy ang lahat ng iniisip, sinasabi, at ginagawa mo.Kung nakatira ka sa isang are na may mga springs o “batis / bukal”, ma-ge-gets mo agad na naka-depende ang lahat sa agos ng sibol. Kung haharangan mo ang bukal, haharangan mo rin ang pag-daloy ng tubig na kinakailangan ng mga tao sa paligid; kung i-po-pollute mo naman ang tubig mula sa sibol, ang aagos ay nakalalasong tubig.

Likewise, if your heart is unhealthy and not right, it affects everything else--- your relationships, your career, your emotional stability, your discrimination and judgement, your ministry, your entire state. It is therefore crucial to guard it. 

3. Because the heart is deceitful

“The heart is deceitful above all things...” we read in Jeremiah 17:9. Ang puso, mapandaya? Oo, Bible na mismo nagsabi niyan.
While everyone advices people to “follow your heart”, the Bible actually tells us to GUARD IT. Why? Because the human heart can lead you in wrong, even deadly directions. Our heart and feelings can lie and can mislead us, if left unguarded. Pwedeng ang isang bagay o decisyon would “feel right”, and yet be completely wrong. Pwedeng tumibok sa ‘di pa tamang panahon.

Kung maayos ang pag-aaral, trabaho, ministry, finances, friendships, at family life mo, pero mali ang kalagayan ng puso mo, sabi nga ng Tatay ko, yung hindi maayos ang sisira doon sa maayos. Kaya it’s wise na bantayan at ingatan mo ang puso mo.


Do you agree that at times the heart can be deceitful / misleading? 
Can you share additional reasons why we must guard our hearts?


Direct link:
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Season of Waiting

Patiently waiting does not come naturally for most of us, pero isa itong mahalagang disiplina lalo na pagdating sa relationships. For a young man/woman, when the heartstrings are tugged, pakiramdam talaga niya “this is it” na, kahit hindi pa naman talaga.. Well, psychologically speaking, understandable naman dahil young people (especially those aged 11-21, a.k.a. adolescents) tend to be strongly emotionally-charged and are led by what they feel.

Pero naaalala mo pa ba nung Grade 5 ka?

‘Di ba feeling mo noon eh matured ka na, at nauunawaan mo na ang mga bagay-bagay sa buhay? Pero nung naging 1st year high school ka--- ano na ang tingin mo sa mga grade 5? Sobrang bata pa, noh? Pero ang ironic kasi at the same time, dahil high school ka na, nung mga 3rd or 4th year na, at sobrang uso na ang crushes, M.U., opposite-sex best friend relationships, at pagkakaroon ng bf/gf, feeling mo talaga noon eh big deal na at totoo na ang feelings mo. At feeling mo talaga this is really, really it! Feeling mo you’ve found the one you want to be with forever! So ayun... eventually naka-graduate ka na rin at pumasok sa kolehiyo. At nung gumagawa ka na ng thesis mo, at may mga nakaka-sabay ka sa fast-food at sa jeep na mga high school sweethearts... at ano’ng tingin mo sa kanila? Que ba-bata pa. Pambihira! Isang high five naman dyan kung may na-realize ka! :-D

The bottom-line: tatanda ka pa.. magma-mature ka pa.. marami pang pagbabago ang magaganap. And as you grow older, there will be a lot of people who will bring forth intense emotions and passion in you (at hindi ito masama, dahil bahagi talaga ito ng pag-grow natin; kasama talaga sa buhay ang mga ganoong I-think-I’m-in-love moments).. Marami ‘yan na dadaan.. But the thing is, not because the feelings are strong and warm eh ibig sabihin kailangan mo nang i-certify ito agad as love at pumasok na kaagad sa isang romantic relationship. Pagdating sa love life, may tinatawag tayong waiting :)

What do we have to wait for? (and this is not just for 11-21 year olds, but even for those beyond these years!)

• for God’s right time 
• for our maturity to take place; our un-rushed readiness 
• for the maturity of other people; their un-rushed readiness 
• for the right season for these things 
• the things God wants to do in our lives first before we dive into romance

Why should we wait?

1. Because God knows what He’s doing.

Psalm 139:16 says, “You (God) saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” 

     If all the details of our lives are not unknown to God -- from conception to birth to death, do you think He would miss out the important detail about our love life? 

     I encourage you then to surrender to His ways and His timeline, and to trust His heart. ‘Wag na ‘wag mong iisipin na KJ ang Diyos, at wala siyang pakialam sa love life mo. Meron. May plano siya dito at inaayos ka niya, kasama ng mga bagay sa buhay mo, para sa engrandeng disenyo Niya na ito. Kaya magtiwala ka lang.
     Maaaring hindi pa natin maunawaan ang lahat ng paraan at plano ng Diyos, but we are definitely capable of understanding and trusting that His will for our lives is nothing short of good, pleasing, and perfect (Romans 12:2b).

2. Because God might still be preparing you (and the other person) and your wonderful love story.

Let me ask you a question: If you have a 5-year old brother who wants to borrow your motorcycle (or if you prefer a more feminine example, your 5-year old sister wants to borrow your hot iron curlers), would you give him the keys (or the hot iron curler?). Probably not. Bakit? Hindi dahil hindi mo siya mahal, at sadyang may karamutan ka lang talaga, kundi dahil hindi pa siya ready. Mahal mo siya kaya hindi mo ito ipapagamit o ibibigay, dahil maaari niya itong ikasama o ikapahamak.

In the same way, before we enter an exclusive romantic relationship, it will really please God (and will be the best for us) if we’d be ready for it. Kaya naman habang hindi pa, patuloy ang pag-hahanda at pag-aayos niya sa atin (at sa taong iyon; ‘wag ka na munang masyadong focused sa pag-s-spy okay?) at sa mga circumstances na nakapaligid sa atin, para kapag dumating na ang tamang panahon, we would be fully prepared and at our best.

P.S., Gentlemen, sa isang banda, kung feeling mo naman eh ready ka na pero si girl ay hindi pa, aba eh kung may ginagawa pa ang Diyos sa kanya at binubuo pa siya, ‘wag ka munang makialam at manghimasok ---- :) Hintay-hintay at pray-pray din muna :) Don’t make the waiting and preparing time be a greater burden for hear by dropping early clues!

3. Because there is a time for everything. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1 “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”.

Mas malinaw pa sa isang HD Youtube video! Hindi natin dapat madaliin ang mga bagay dahil may panahon na nakatakda para sa lahat ng ‘yan --- naku eh lalo pa kung napakahalaga nito, katulad ng relationships. Again, we don’t need to rush through life because God wants us to appreciate and savor every season of our lives. In addition and in connection to #2, when we move out of time or out of season, we actually forfeit God’s protection over our lives as well as our hearts. Therefore, respect the seasons of life and go through its motions and pace.

If this is a season where God is guiding you in finding your identity and discovering your purpose, let it be. If this is the season of God building you up as a responsible and mature man / woman (from being a young, immature boy/girl), let it be. Or perhaps this is a season where God is allowing you to really grow your spiritual roots and depth? Let it be. For some this is a season where God seeks their undivided attention in the ministry; let it be. For others, this is a season of having their hearts and character changed and purified; let it be.

Three important questions you have to ask God:
- “What season am I currently at?”
- “What do you want me to do at this season?”
- “What do you want to accomplish in my life at this season?”

Seasons change; seasons are not forever. And in the same way that singleness is a season, don’t panic: it is not gonna last forever. Kaya don’t rush getting out of this season, and make the most out of it! Grow as much as you can; learn as much as you can.

Sabi nga ng DaddyPastor ko, may nakalaan ang Diyos para sa iyo para sa araw na ito. Iba naman yung bukas :) Kaya kung anumang panahon ka naroroon, dumoon ka.

When you are ready... when the season is right... and if it’s according to the will of God, the things you long for will come. They will fall into place and fit into your life just right :)

Meanwhile, wait.

Lots of love, Ate Jez

Is it okay to be best friends with someone of the opposite sex?

If this generation has its Bogs and Mae (Paano Na Kaya, 2010) and Palits and Marian (Close to You, 2006), well my generation had our cute bff's Budjoy and Ned from Marvin & Jolina’s 1998 movie called “Labs Kita, Okay Lang?” (I know, throwback!). All are fictional stories of childhood best friends secretly falling in love with each other but were both reluctant to deal with and admit their feelings so as to preserve the friendship.
Ang daming madaling maka-relate sa mga ganitong movie themes since male-female best friend relationships have become not only possible, but quite common today. And I’d like to share my two cents worth on it.

So, is it okay to be best friends with someone of the opposite sex?

When I give talks about relationships I usually get this question, and my answer would always be that while I do not see cross-gender best friend relationships as morally wrong, I definitely do not encourage and advocate them. Here are some reasons why:

Sleepover with some of my girlfriends in my Baguio apt.

⚫ Our teenage and early twenty years are to be wisely used in investing in healthy same-sex friendships. While it’s true that of the most important social transitions in adolescence is the formation of other-sex peer relationships for social and emotional adjustment, this does not necessarily mean that opposite-sex best friend relationships (OSBFR) will be highly beneficial. For instance, one study found out that teens who engaged in OSBFR's had higher antisocial behaviors compared to others, especially for girls. May tendency kasi na ma-isolate na kayo kung mag-bestfriend kayo since others would normally treat you subtly as a couple. Sayang naman yung opportunity to develop many other healthy friendships with the same gender.

⚫ We need same-sex friendships to grow. I have heard many girls say, “ate, boyish lang talaga ako, kaya close ako sa boys” and while that could be partially true, I think that’s a really lazy defense. The fact is that when a girl is in the presence of his male friends (kahit pa totally unromantic at walang malisya), she is treated differently and is given unusual attention --- kahit pa one-of-the-boys siya (hello, ask the guys!). Prinsesa siya doon eh. Kasi babae. But when a girl is in the presence of her girlfriends, psychology tells us that there is this instinctive competition when girls get together (not exactly the awayan sort of competition), in that friendships with the opposite sex would mean the necessity of intentionally exerting extra effort and character stretch --- and that’s where growth happens! :)

One of my best friends, Presh. We love hugs!

⚫ Best friend relationships are too intimate by nature. To be engaged in a “best friend relationship” puts on the expectation and commitment to spend quality time with each other, to be available in times of need, to have in-depth conversations and revelations about oneself, and intense care for each other. Bottom line is, best friend relationships entail too much emotional investment and intimacy and can easily lead to romantic feelings. If you say, “hindi naman kami ganyan ka-intimate ng best friend ko kaya okay lang siguro sa case namin”, then why be best friends? I think a young man who is best friends with a young woman is in dangerous territory (unless they are married to each other) since a young woman's heart is easily won over by friendship and emotions. Her heart is vulnerable.

⚫ I’ve always believed that the “best friend” label should be reserved for your future spouse. Gentlemen, when you get married someday, would you appreciate if your wife has a male best friend? Inversely, ladies, when you get married someday, would you like the idea of your husband having a female best friend? :) Go ahead, answer these questions yourself. (itong point lang na ito, solved na 'ko, actually).

Does this mean that single women should never have guy friends? Not at all. It have the blessing of having great guy friends around. But this just means that a single woman’s meaningful relationships should come from female friendships. These are friendships that will last and encourage you in your pursuit of godliness, purity, and marriage. These are friendships that will last long after you say “I do.” <3

Now, let me talk to the guys..

You need to know what’s seriously at stake here-- her heart. But I hear many of you say, “dude, we’re just friends!”. So you really think a woman in her right mind would make such investments of her time and emotions so that one day she can be an emcee on your wedding? Give me a break.

Uhm, REALLY?.... (photo from the internet)

Guys, newsflash: chances are, your girl best friend thinks (or hopes) that something might be going on between you two. Sa tingin niya a great guy like you would not spend time with her, share his deepest feelings, and slightly flirt with her kung wala namang chance of a relationship. Pero at the same time, naguguluhan din siya --- emotionally, intimate ka sa kanya, pero physically, para mo lang siyang nakababatang kapatid. She would want confrontation but would most probably hold it back para maiwasang magmukhang assuming, so she’ll just be glad to take what you give. And while she’s confused, you’re enjoying a benefit that any man would appreciate: the feeling of being liked by a woman.

Madaling i-deny ang responsibility for your girl best friend’s decision to keep yearning for you and thinking that there is more to the friendship when you have never clearly and plainly said (in words, in a language/dialect you both understand, in front of her, with her full name) that you were interested. But that’d be really lame, immature, and very unmanly. Bro, if you’re really interested and ready for a relationship, then pursue her (with an intention of marriage). Clearly define the relationship for what it is.

Pero kung hindi ka pa ready to pursue her or anyone — after all this time — then kindly and respectfully apologize to her if you’ve done anything to give the impression of romance in the friendship, and if you’ve asked her emotional investment and intimacy when you clearly cannot match it with a relational commitment.

When the superficial friendship ends, it will definitely be painful and heartbreaking (parang isang breakup). But you will then clearly see the line that you’ve have crossed. And well, hopefully, magsisimula ka na to really treat women as sisters — physically and emotionally.

Ito naman ang third option: ‘wag mong pansinin ang advise na ito, and ituloy mong idate halfway ang kaibigan mo. But before you do that, let me make one more plea. Song of Solomon often-quoted verse says, "I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases" (Song of Solomon 8:4). This verse is usually used to counsel single women not to prematurely commit themselves romantically, but I want to use it to counsel and admonish you.
Please understand na wala nang ibang makakapag-"stir up or awaken love" in a woman's heart like emotional intimacy and spending time together. And it's the little things that open her heart that draws her heart moment by moment.

Please spare her from being, borrowing Budjoy's words, "so stupid to make the biggest mistake of falling in love with my best friend." *wink*

And although I know it feels good to receive this kind of attention, please recognize this: It's more than her attention you're getting — it's her heart, her love. And, brother, kung ang handa mo lang na ibigay sa kanya is the privilege of being your favorite girl buddy, I'm sorry, but you don't deserve it, and believe me, she deserves better.

While Yet Unmarried, Prepare

Last week my Daddy Pastor preached a message about marriage. It was intended for married couples, but I was able to take home some reflections for singles or the unmarried :)

In marriage....

• you will accept the person for who he/she is. So while yet unmarried, you have the opportunity to observe and choose! Contrary to popular advise, when you get attracted to someone, ‘wag ka agad mag-dive into a romantic relationship with him/her. If you immediately do, palalabuin lang nito ang goal mo of first getting to know the real nature of people around you bago ma mag-desisyon who to pursue (if you’re a man) or who to allow to develop a deeper friendship with (if you’re a woman). In marriage, no return, no exchange! So while unmarried, observe keenly and choose wisely... at ‘wag excited to be in a relationship agad-agad :)

• the man will be the leader of the family. The woman submits to the man’s leadership in marriage (Ephesians 5:22-23). This is not a signal of male superiority or of the greater importance of men. It is simply God's design and assignment of equally valuable roles among spiritually equal beings. So while unmarried, women, be careful and wise in choosing someone whom you will submit to. Men, WORK! :) Develop your spiritual, emotional, and intellectual muscles to be the best leader you can be to your future family, because by then you won’t be leading just yourself but a whole bunch of precious people dependent and submissive to your leadership.

Even after 29 years, Dad & Mom still HHWW (hold hands while walking) Yeehe

• the man will be the pastor of the family. Ladies, if you choose someone who is NOT a Christian (I mean a real Christian), what can you expect of him in terms of (a) raising up a “Christian & Godly family”? and (b) in terms of loving you like Christ (if he is not a lover of the presence of God?). It’s been said that you cannot give what you don’t have. If a man then does not receive the revelation of Christ’s love (Ephesians 5:25), how can he love you in the way God wants you be loved? Hindi dapat madaan sa kilig na pwede nilang idulot sayo. Do not settle for less; do not settle for someone na magaling magpa-kilig, pero hindi naman alam ang love of God. Totoong Christian dapat :) Wait for someone with strong foundations in the faith who'll be able to excellently pastor a family someday! (my edge is that I have an amazing Dad who is truly a great pastor to our family--- I kinda have an idea na of the one I'm waiting for)

• the man provides. You don’t have to be financially super rich, but you must have at least gained the integrity of someone who is financially responsible and financially dependable. Men, it is again your responsibility while waiting to work out your esteem as one who is financially able, disciplined and wise.

Marriage is sacred unto the Lord. Hindi siya bahay-bahayan lang. So while yet unmarried, as you wait, prepare. <3

The Forbidden Tree

Why do we feel that if we are not in a relationship we are unable to enjoy life to the fullest?

Genesis 3:1 (NIV) “Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"

Kung naka-sentro ang isip at atensyon natin sa isang puno na hindi pa natin maaaring makamtan [at the moment], hindi na natin napagmamasdan ang lahat ng mga puno na maaarin naman nating ma-enjoy. Kaya para bang hinihinto at nilalagay natin on-hold ang iba’t-ibang bahagi ng ating buhay habang naka-tanod at naka-masid naman tayo doon sa isang puno na parang out of reach. Nai-imagine ko na biglang sisingit ang serpent para tanungin tayo ng isang very misleading question... “Ibig mong sabihin pagkakaitan ka ng Diyos na ma-enjoy mo ang buhay mo? Ang lupit naman yata ‘nun?”... But don’t fall for it! It’s a trap! God wants you to enjoy life... Pero hindi ito pwedeng mangyari kung mananatili kang naka-titig at naka-masid dyan sa isang puno na ‘yan.

Take a look around you. Breath, look, taste, enjoy, savor! Baka mag-iba na ang mga ‘yan bukas o makalawa. Do not get caught up in what you don’t have. Take another look. What do you see? Wonderful friends, new opportunities, doors for ministry, activities to try, new things to learn, experiences to gain... I dare you to enjoy what are available.

As Jim Elliot famously wrote, “Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living”. Today is today. Let tomorrow worry about itself. Do not fail to see that there are unlimited opportunities available for you today... God has amazing things prepared for us in every stage of our lives. May the joyful anticipation of what the next stage may bring NOT blanket the joys of living and embracing the stage we're in.
What to do with these longings? Throw them and lay them at God’s altar. And trust Him.


Should you put enjoying life to the fullest on hold until you change your relationship status? I think not!
Is God really telling you to not enjoy life to the fullest? I think not! <3

How do I know if I’m Ready for a Relationship?

Heart-shaped decors are everywhere! I’ll start posting articles about the ever-popular topic of the love life.

One of the most common questions I receive from young people whenever I give talks about relationships is, “what is the proper age to be in a relationship?”.

I salute people who do not get in exclusive intimate relationships even up to their early and mid-twenties, because they get to use that time with their friends, establishing careers, and investing in their own personal growth. The fact is that we have the big tendency to change so much in our twenties, at hindi natin dapat ito pigilan at all cost! At habang nagbabago tayo, nag-iiba rin ang klase ng tao na gusto nating makasama habangbuhay, ang mga standards at mindset natin, maging ang mga goals at direksyon ng ating buhay.

So what is the right age? Well, in relationships, maturity matters more than age. Handa ka nang pumasok sa isang relationship kapag handa ka na ring ikasal within a reasonable amount of time. Remember that courtship and relationships are purposed to be preparation for marriage. Therefore, if you are not yet inclined to consider marriage seriously, you should not yet be involved in a romantic relationship with the opposite sex.

1. Maturity: Marriage and relationships are for people who are mature, who have developed their character through the years (no better way than to be submitted to Christ’s Lordship!). Though maturity is both crucial for both men and women, there is a great expectation especially for men since they will be the leaders, pastors, fathers of their own kin.
In terms of maturity, age is not the prime issue at hand since there are some people in their early 20’s who are more matured than those in their 30’s! But generally, with age comes the sharpening of character and gaining of wisdom --- wisdom to make the right decisions and actions, to do the right things at the right time, to give correct guidance and counsel when it is necessary. However, even the most mature teenager will be probably be wiser by the time he/she is in the mid-twenties.

2. Emotionally ready: From a biological perspective, the human brain experiences crucial maturity and changes up to the mid to late-twenties. Studies show that it is only by one’s late twenties that our brain is best able to process emotional and social information, as well as for planning. This however does not warrant that a person is most ready for a relationship when he reaches the age of 25, because again, maturity matters more.

Here are some questions to assess your emotional maturity:

• Do you have enough self-control that you are no longer ruled by your human passions?
• Have you outgrown your selfish ways? Are you able to prioritize others before yourself? 
• Can you handle confrontations and discussions without fighting?
• Do you still argue with your friends over unimportant things?
• How to you respond when you don’t get your way?
• Are you ready to share 100% of your life with someone?
• Are you able to put up with your long-term commitments?
• Do you easily get jealous?
• Are you overly dramatic?

I am sure that all of us can still improve in all of these areas, but typically this is why teenagers are not yet ready for a lifetime commitment. Hindi rin dapat i-commit ang future to someone else while still in their teenage years (e.g., “tayo pa rin hanggang sa mag-mature na tayo”) because a lot of changing will still take place!

3. Financially ready: The Biblical blueprint of the family is that the man (father) will be the provider of the family. So men, please lang, don’t bother pursuing a romantic relationship with anyone unless you are financially ready to support a family. Women, be wise enough to not pledge yourself to someone who has not yet gained the integrity of a good provider. I know this sounds a little unromantic, even quite materialistic, but it’s a reality every person considering relationships should face. You don’t have to be extremely rich to consider a relationship, but you must at least be financially stable and financially disciplined.

4. Spiritually ready: Every relationship must be aimed to honor God. And you can honor God with your relationships when you get involved in one at the right time ---- when you are spiritually mature yourself. I always encourage our youth group to focus on their spiritual growth first before they focus on finding their mate! It is best to form strong foundations for your faith first, and not allow anyone to distract you from growing your roots deep. Practice faithfulness by being faithful in the ministry you’re involved at (bonus for this is the spirit of servanthood you get while ministering!), in your Biblical knowledge, in your love for God, in being a lover of the presence of God, and in your prayer life.
You don’t have to be some sort of a spiritual giant, but you just have to first mature in the faith.

Please know that I am not, and will never be an “anti-love”. (Promise!) :) I actually am thrilled myself just talking about relationships. Teehee! <3 However, it is my desire that we, as followers of Christ, would approach relationships and romance in a way that will be the best for us, and that would pleases Him, and that we would go against the lowering standards of this generation!

Intimacy and Commitment

The goal of any romantic relationship should be lifelong commitment in matrimony.

When I talk to the youth about relationships, I usually ask them why they enter into relationships, even at a young age. The common answer is, “mahal ko eh”. And when I ask them if they are ready for and are considering marriage, they would often be caught off guard and respond with a laugh. “Kasal agad? Hindi ba pwedeng boyfriend / girlfriend lang muna?”, they’d wittily reply.

I wonder what’s really the point of most romantic relationships? Ito ngayon ang problema -- mali ang pagtingin ng marami sa atin about intimacy and relationships. I would like to assert that the prerequisite for intimacy is commitment. Without commitment, there is no blessing for intimacy. Without commitment, there should be no intimacy. Without commitment, intimacy will be plain selfish and lust-driven.

In Matthew 7:24-27, Jesus gives a parable about two builders: one built his house on the sand (man’s ways), while the other build his house on a rock (God’s ways). Let us now consider how this parable applies to establishing relationships.

Itinayo ng hangal (foolish) na tao ang kanyang bahay sa buhangin nang hindi isinasaalang-alang ang kinabukasan at ang mga panahon na darating. He has forgotten to consider that seasons change, and that sooner or later storms and strong winds will come. At nang tumama nga ito sa bahay, bumagsak ito, at tuluyang nawasak (v27). Gaya ng isang bahay na naka-tayo sa buhangin, ang isang relasyon na hindi naka-ugat sa mga prinsipyo ng Diyos, at hindi isinasaalang-alang ang darating na panahon ay maaaring mawasak pagdating ng panahon.
Ganito ang larawan ng marami sa mga relationships sa ngayon. Madalas, we are pursuing intimacy for the sake of intimacy. We are pursuing relationships for the sake of relationships. Walang layunin o purpose at malinaw na destinasyon ang mga relationships.

What if a young person becomes in love with someone, and they both wish to be lovers for the rest of their lives? Could this pass for “commitment”? Is it okay then for them to be in a relationship now?

scene from High School Musical

Uso sa mga kabatan ngayon ang tawagin ang kanilang mga boyfriend/girlfriend na “asawa ko”, “mame”, “dade” (corny-ness overload, I know! But a lot of teenagers actually are guilty with this!), sa kaisipan na panghabambuhay na ang kanilang relasyon. If that’s the case, does this mean it’s okay for them to be in a relationships since may “commitment” naman pala sila sa isip nila? Let me answer that by introducing to you the concept of “getting married within a reasonable amount of time”.... Please say that again? “getting married within a reasonable amount of time”

When I ask students about their ideal age for getting married, the average age I get is 25-27. So, let’s say if someone is only 18, does he plan to court someone for the next 7-9 years?  Kung tatanungin mo sila, most of the youth who are in relationships today ay wala pa namang balak na magpakasal within a reasonable amount of time,  (although age should not be the lone consideration). At dahil wala pa naman silang intention to get married within a reasonable amount of time, kahit na they wish to be lovers forever, I don’t think there is “real commitment” in the equation. So it’s better to not to be in a relationship first.
Perhaps they can grow as single people first until they are ready for commitment before pursuing intimacy?

Can’t we just enjoy being in a relationship with no pressures about marriage?
Being a boyfriend/girlfriend is not the end of itself. Too many young people are wasting their time and energy in relationships that aren’t going anywhere. As already mentioned, intimacy without commitment is selfish and lust-driven.
In most cases, when we’re younger and a bit immature, relationships are short-term (though we want them to last!), serving only the needs of the moment. Hence some relationships only become a selfish way of satisfying one’s desires and needs for affection and intimacy. We enter into relationships because we want to enjoy the emotional and physical benefits of intimacy, without the responsibility of real commitment.

I’m sharing a special relationship with a friend, though we don’t really have an “official” relationship. Neither is there a physical relationship and intimacy between us since we rarely see each other. Is this acceptable?
Obviously, kung lalabas tayo kasama ng isang tao, o madalas natin siyang makasama, mas bibilis mag-increase ang intimacy ng relationship. Pero hindi mo naman kailangang makipag-date or lumabas kasama ng isang tao para maging intimate kayo. You can do that over the phone (calls and countless exchange of text messages), through the internet (e.g., facebook chats, emails), paglabas niyo kasama ang grupo ng mga kaibigan, o kaya yung magkasama lang kayo palagi sa school at pagkatapos ng mga classes niyo. A guy and a girl meeting in a restaurant for a date isn’t the issue. Ang issue ay kung angkop ba ang intimacy in your relationship sa current level niyo of commitment.

Kung walang level of commitment, why be intimate?

~ ~ ~
The man who built his house on a rock was called “wise” by Jesus. Itinayo niya ang kanyang bahay to last a lifetime. Two builders: foolish and wise; two foundations: sand and rock; two outcomes: destruction and stability. Christ’s analogy applies to relationships just as much as to houses.

Please do yourself a favor -- don’t give your heart away when there is no commitment. And do your brothers and sisters a big favor -- don’t ask or try to win their affection if you’re not yet ready to match it with genuine commitment within a reasonable amount of time.

Cravings, Constraint, Control

Genesis 4:7 (MBB)

“Kung mabuti ang ginawa mo, dapat kang magsaya. Kung masama naman, ang kasalana’y tulad ng mabangis na hayop na laging nag-aabang upang lapain ka. Nais nitong pagharian ka. Kaya’t kailangang mapaglabanan mo ito.

 (NEB)“....it shall be eager for you, and you will be mastered by it.”

I was talking to a single lady a few weeks ago and she blurted out, “Ate Jez, kung hindi naman pala ibibigay ni Lord sa akin kung ano yung desire ko ngayon, pwede bang alisin nalang ni Lord yung desire?”.

I think I’ve written the same question and request on my journal a few years ago, too! :-D But let me share with you what God has taught me: No, it’s not going to happen. This revelation has set me free! Hindi aalisin ng Diyos ang desire for a man or woman, physical intimacy, chocolate cake, a new iPad, o kung anuman ‘yun that we’re craving out of our systems! It’s because God wants us to be masters over our desires. The NKJV of Genesis 4:7 says, “...but you should rule over it”. Kung aalisin ito ng Diyos, how can we learn the art of mastering over our desires, instead of being controlled by them?
You see, you have received many seeds of the Word of God, you have faith, you have the grace of God, you have the privilege of prayer. Therefore, nag-eexpect ang Diyos na gamitin natin at i-exercise natin ang ating mga “spiritual muscles” to get around life.

Is it sin to have desires?
Kasalanan ba ang mga “desires” mo na ito? Definitely not! Hindi “sin” na magkaroon ng ganitong desires. In fact, we were wired with these desires. Saan pumapasok ang either Godliness or sin? --- in our response to it. Kung may desires ka, yet your response is that you’ve chosen to honor God above all, that’s righteousness and Godliness. But if you have desires, and then these things have become idols of your heart, replacing the place of God as number one in your heart, or when it moves you to do things that do not please God, then I would dare to say you must have crossed the line. Mali na. Kasalanan na.

A God-shaped hole. Kung kakapit tayo sa mga bagay (other than God) para kumpletuhin ang ating mga sarili, then God will allow that we be consumed with our desires, kasi nga He has given us free will. Pero I tell you, we will come to the point where we will finally realize na kung anuman iyong kinakapitan natin, kailanman ay hindi nito maaaring mapunan ang puwang na ang Diyos lamang ang maaring pumuno -- a “God-shaped hole” as old preachers say.

Ever-loving Lover. Yet while we chase other “lovers”, God is watching us and waiting the whole time, jealous of our attention. And thankfully, the moment that we wake up to our mistake, He will draw us back into His loving arms, demonstrating to us that no one can love us as much as He does. ‘Wag mo munang hanapin ang satisfaction sa iba. Be spiritually full. Have a full life. Be satisfied from the inside out. It is only then that God will enable us to begin to truly love. <3

Aalisin ba Niya ang desires mo for affection and love? Hindi. Dahil nais niya na ang desires na ito ay mai-refocus natin sa Kanya (namali lang ng subject and vent sa nakaraan, eh). So let us rule over these desires and put them in the right perspective. Do not let them master nor control you.

It is the control of passions and desires that is needed, not the elimination of these. After all, how would we learn to submit and surrender to God if we had nothing to submit?