Defeating Pornography

The devil is an expert in the small things --- in setting up traps that are not obvious, those that appear as if they are not dangerous and not causing damage. The devil is also a liar --- in the Bible, he is called the father of all lies!

I am angry at this secret sin called pornography! I have seen too much of how it has strongly destroyed and damaged lives and relationships, even those of Christians. So let me expose some of the most common LIES of the enemy about pornography:

Lie#1: “It’s just for ‘educational’ purposes”
For more matured people, there may be a time to learn a few things about this area of marriage which they can acquire knowledge on from doctors, health books and wholesome readings (nevertheless, marriage is not a license to watch porn; in fact many psychological studies prove how it is very detrimental to marriages!).

Or maybe you think it will help you know what you like once you get married? LIE. It will only corrupt your understanding of Biblical marriage that instead of the goal to serve each other in marriage, you will be selfish in having your desires met. So if you’re into it for this reason, you’re building on a false foundation.

Now, let’s say your conscience is really clear when you start searching for such on the internet, or checking out videos and photos from whatever available device or media.. But how do you draw the line? Could “educational” on this thing simply be a means to sin? Could it simply be a bait and a trap? Could it be a “road that leads to death”? You bet.

Lie#2: “Well, tumitingin lang naman eh..”
“Well, I’m just looking at it, so it’s not really sin”. God says that if a man looks lustfully at a woman, it is the same as adultery.

“Well, I’m just looking, but I will never get past looking to doing”. Actually, many scientific researches proove that it often leads to acting on those impulses.

Lie#3: “Ito na ang last time.”
You believe it is your last time getting that magazine, going to the website, or downloading that movie, kaya hindi mo na kailangan pa na i-confess ito... dahil ito na ang last time. Hangang maulit ito sa susunod na araw, linggo, o buwan. It is the last time --- until the next time. What a lie.
If the enemy can convince you that “this is the last time”, you will never tell anyone and you will probably ride into the comfortable lie that it is okay, anyway last time na.

Lie#4: “Kaya ko namang itigil ito anytime”
Alam mo na ang masaklap at mapanirang bunga ng pornography sa ibang mga mag-asawa, mga pamilya, mga kaibigan mo, at sa ibang church leaders... pero hindi ka naman talaga “addicted” dito ‘di ba? Kayang-kaya mo namang itigil ito kung kailan mo gusto. Isa pa, hindi naman pareho ang epekto nito sayo sa epekto nito at ginagawa nito sa ibang tao. Iba ka sa kanila. At iba ang bunga nito sa kanila at bunga nito sayo. Hindi ito makaka-apekto sa buhay mo, sa pamilya mo, sa Christian life mo, sa relationships mo, sa simbahan mo, sa ministry mo, gaya ng ginagawa nito sa ibang tao. Ikaw ang may control sa porn, hindi ka niya kontrolado. LIE.

Lie#5: “Confessing about it is just too much!”
The devil wants you to keep your secret life and secret sins. Sa lahat ng na-counsel-an ko about their secret sins, nakita ko na hindi talaga tayo magkakaroon ng kapangyarihan para mapagtagumpayan ang kasalanan kung itatago natin ito. If you are longing for freedom, matatagpuan mo ito in confession. While it’s true that freedom and confession will cost something up front, pero hindi naman ito maikukumpara sa bigat at halaga ng pamumuhay ng may pagkakagapos ka.

Here is what I believe in: If you are struggling with this sin, God still loves you and He is fighting for you! He died on the Cross and conquered death para magkaroon ka ng katagumpayan sa bawat aspeto ng iyong buhay.

Saan ka maaaring magsimula? Paano mo maaaring mapagtagumpayan ang isang bagay na gumagapos at umaalipin sayo na mamuhay sa kahihiyan at guilt? The first place that I would suggest to anyone who is struggling with this is to start with a matured Christian counselor -- this could be your small group leader, mentor, or pastor. Sa nakaraang ilang buwan na nagsimula akong sumulat sa aking blog, may mga nag-e-email sa akin at nagpapahayag ng kanilang tunay na kalagayan tungkol sa bagay na ito. Almost all of these people would tell me they have never told anyone else but me about their porn problem. I am grateful for the trust they give me, but as I give Biblical counsel I always still encourage them to find a spiritual shepherd that could be more personally accountable to them.

To confess such sin will not be easy, but it will be worth it for it has the power to bring freedom, cleansing, and healing to your heart, soul, and spirit. I know this will sound churchy, but healing comes through confession and prayer. “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16).

The Bible tells us in this passage that although we have to confess our sins to receive God’s forgiveness (which he freely and graciously gives!), the truth is that confession does not bring forgiveness (the blood of Jesus, and not any man, bring us freedom and forgiveness!). What confession does bring is healing. There is healing that comes to our heart as we confess our sins with one another.

The “secret sin” that you are keeping only has power and control over you as long as it remains a secret. But sin and temptation loses its grip and power when we confess.

Light will always defeat darkness! At the beginning it’s quite a challenging decision to face to let that light into the darkness, exposing the most shameful parts of our heart. But we cannot receive the healing that God offers when we refuse to bring into the light. But when we do, we can be healed.. we can overcome.

The devil is an expert in small things. He does not care if you are a "Christian", if you go to church, or even if you have a ministry.... as long as you keep this secret sin. Because then he knows that no matter how "Christian" you get, he still has control and power over you through this secret sin.

Remember today that you are a conqueror! You are an overcomer!
God is not mad at you --- He is mad at the sin that is controlling you. And He has sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to rescue you! You have been redeemed from sin with the precious blood of Jesus! You can receive freedom!

(Kindly share this article --- you might not just have an idea that some of your friends need this!)

Mahal Ko ang Pastor Ko

(PART I)
Even if my dad is a pastor, he would always tell me that being a pastor is NOT the highest and noblest calling or profession because the highest calling would be what God (uniquely) calls each to do, according to His purposes. Still and all, without forgetting that all Glory ought to be God’s, I believe our pastors-- especially our Senior Pastors, are worthy of our high esteem and respect.

A few months ago I stumbled on a blog about the 14 Things You Souldn't Say To Your Pastor. It was funny reading all of them as I can fully relate and agree, growing up as a pastor’s kid. I laughed the hardest at these items:

• I wish I had a job like yours, where I would work only one day a week.
• What do you do with all the free time you have?
• I like your preaching, pastor, but I really like ____________________________ (fill in the blank with television or podcast preacher).
• Your kids shouldn’t behave that way. After all, they are pastor’s kids.
• Your low salary is good for you. It keeps you humble and dependent on the Lord.

If you think all a Pastor does is get on the pulpit every Sunday and preach a good message (and maybe even think “ang dali ng trabaho niya, once-a-week lang! And then he gets paid!”), you are dreadfully mistaken.

See if the church is healthy and growing. See if the affairs and operations of the church are done well. See if his family is strong. See if the pastor’s spiritual life is in good shape. See if the church is progressing. See if the faith of the people are thriving. See if the number of those being saved are exploding. See if disciples are increasing. See if leaders are multiplying. And then think again. For these cannot possibly happen by just preaching a good message every sunday.

Our Senior Pastors, more than being powerful preachers, are visionaries who are always looking ahead and making sure the church is going somewhere; pioneers and trailblazers who often take the first step of faith and take unchartered paths; planners who make sure the vision will be accomplished; overseers who check if things are being implemented well; managers who are concerned about running the local church; leaders who invest in people; fathers and mothers who have families to take care of; Christians who make sure their hearts and spirit are right with God (and the list goes on...). Salamat nalang through discipleship the burden and ease of the ministry is being shared by the Body of Christ. Still the same, our pastors deserve our deep respect and honor (uhm, maybe that’s why they’re called “Reverends”?). And even if we scratch the fact that I am as pastor's kid, I would still stand by these words.

And I say honor the man of God! Bless the man of God!

And by the way, if your pastor is receiving financial support from the church, remember that this is only as “thank you” gift and a way of blessing the man of God... But there is absolutely no way for a church congregation to “pay” a pastor with a “salary” or “wage”. Because what they do is PRICELESS. *wink*

I thank God for blessing us with a loving home church that loves, honors, and respects the shepherd and pastor God has graced His church with. Soli Deo Gloria!

#MahalKoAngPastorKo

#PatutunayanKo

(Disclaimer: I wrote this not because there’s an issue in our church concerning the members, leaders and our pastor (thank God at wala!). Nor did I write this as response to an issue in another church--- well, kung meron man, wala akong alam ha. Pero kung meron nga talaga sa church mo, hawaan mo nalang sila ng pag-ibig!)

When People Leave..

I dedicate this post to every loving small group leader regardless of the number of years in leadership, and to every committed disciple (kung hindi naman committed na disciple, lalong mas dedicated sayo ‘to, tsong!). Hope you’ll read through the whole article... and maybe type in your comments so I can learn from you, too! 

Matthew 13:31-32

“The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.”

The Kingdom of God is bound to grow... no matter what (happens).

Whether you join or not, it is destined to grow. Yes, it is true that God likes using people and including them in the fulfillment of His plans and the expansion of His Kingdom, pero with or without me (you), IT WILL FLOURISH.

Here’s a little heads-up to small group leaders though. Along the way, there might be those who will desert you. Merong mga maganda naman ang dahilan, meron ding mali. May mang-iiwan, tatalikod sa pananampalataya, susukuan ang bagong buhay, at meron ding tatakbo mula sa calling nila to pursue their own ambitions and plans (uhm, ano pa ba?). As a leader, if (if nga ba or, when?) you go through these burdensome situations, remember that,

1. Your labors are not wasted because you have done them primarily as for serving the Lord  anyway (Colossians 3:23).
2. They will leave now as better persons and Christians because, by the grace of God, you have effected change in their lives by the great seeds that you’ve been able to sow in them while you’ve been allowed to lead them. Hope in the knowledge of that. 
3. There’s really a time for everything: a time to search and a time to count as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away (Ecclesiastes 3:6). Change and the shifting of seasons, those we cannot control nor escape. (Pero sana lang ‘wag mong gamiting excuse ‘to sa pagiging unfaithful. May mga changes na God-ordained, pero may mga bagay na tayo lang naman talaga ang nagpupumilit.)
4. We do not own people. Period.
5. We cannot make choices for them. We lead but we do not dictate. We guide them in life, but we do not hold the steering wheel of their lives. Like you and me, they have been given freewill and can use it anytime. Though we mentor them, they are ultimately responsible for their own life choices. You see, in as much as they are free to choose to follow God’s plans, they are also free to choose to steer away from it. Our role is to present the choices and options, and influence them to make the best ones! But we cannot make choices for them. Remember how you can share the gospel to someone but cannot receive it for them or in behalf of them? The same principle applies here. (Pero sana piliin mo yung tama!)
6. If a warrior leaves the battle, God will always raise up another one!

In the Bible, we can find accounts after accounts of how God raises and calls other people when others quit.

• Esau traded his birth right. Jacob became the father of the twelve tribes of Israel.
• Moses disobeyed and as a result didn’t enter the Promised Land. Joshua did.
• The Israelites were all afraid of Goliath. Young shepherd boy David defeated him.
• Judas betrayed Jesus. Matthias was appointed.

Even though some abandon, turn back from, or withdraw from their calling, God will always choose and raise up another one to carry on fulfilling His divine purposes. Oh no, let’s change that... God CAN always raise up another one. He is absolutely able to do that. And at all cost, for His greater purposes’ sake, He will and He can do that.

JOB 42:2 (NIV)

“I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.”

Would God allow His plans to not succeed?

Would God allow His promises go unfulfilled?

Will God be limited by one man’s disobedience?

Will His Kingdom not thrive without you or me?

Sinuman sa atin ay hindi maaaring magmalaki sa diyos. One can simply never think that if he quits or leaves, uurong na ang Kingdom of God. God is too big, too powerful to be shaken by man. God is sovereign and He will never allow His plans go unfulfilled — not by any man's disobedience, nor by any man's disloyal or uncommitted heart. The God we serve is a God who does what He has promised... and He is the same God who will and is able to complete what He has begun!  And may we always remember that NO MAN, no matter how significant or insignificant he may see himself, can thwart God’s purposes.

On a personal note, I thank the Lord for surrounding me with people whom I know and have proven their wholehearted commitment, faithfulness, and unwavering devotion to God and to the work of His ministry. They have not only become my disciples, but life-long friends as well. And my relationship with them, I treasure with all my heart!

May I be clear though that this is not to give license and excuse on being lazy and passive in doing consolidation and our going-after’s of our disciples, or in facing our disciples’ issues and concerns. As leaders who are accountable to people, we must do everything we can by God’s grace to fight for and fight with them. But if they willingly and decisively let go, run away, and get intentionally sidetracked into disobedience or compromise, resisting your leadership, help, wisdom, and love, remember that our Master’s grand and sovereign plan will push through! His Kingdom will press on expanding because it is bound to grow... Whether you join it or get out of it, it is destined to flourish!

Whether you are a cell leader or a cell disciple, I would love to encourage you to not be afraid and to not hold back from pouring out your life for the cause of the Kingdom... because the Kingdom of God is bound to grow --- wala kang lugi dito! And when you start to do so, may you never fall into the deadlock of discouragement in continuing what you do when you see others fall back, having the faith that the Kingdom will thrive no matter what... For we are not among those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved (Hebrews 10:39).

Be strong and courageous.. Do not be discouraged. Tuloy lang ang laban! :)

Is it okay to be best friends with someone of the opposite sex?

If this generation has its Bogs and Mae (Paano Na Kaya, 2010) and Palits and Marian (Close to You, 2006), well my generation had our cute bff's Budjoy and Ned from Marvin & Jolina’s 1998 movie called “Labs Kita, Okay Lang?” (I know, throwback!). All are fictional stories of childhood best friends secretly falling in love with each other but were both reluctant to deal with and admit their feelings so as to preserve the friendship.
Ang daming madaling maka-relate sa mga ganitong movie themes since male-female best friend relationships have become not only possible, but quite common today. And I’d like to share my two cents worth on it.

So, is it okay to be best friends with someone of the opposite sex?

When I give talks about relationships I usually get this question, and my answer would always be that while I do not see cross-gender best friend relationships as morally wrong, I definitely do not encourage and advocate them. Here are some reasons why:

Sleepover with some of my girlfriends in my Baguio apt.

⚫ Our teenage and early twenty years are to be wisely used in investing in healthy same-sex friendships. While it’s true that of the most important social transitions in adolescence is the formation of other-sex peer relationships for social and emotional adjustment, this does not necessarily mean that opposite-sex best friend relationships (OSBFR) will be highly beneficial. For instance, one study found out that teens who engaged in OSBFR's had higher antisocial behaviors compared to others, especially for girls. May tendency kasi na ma-isolate na kayo kung mag-bestfriend kayo since others would normally treat you subtly as a couple. Sayang naman yung opportunity to develop many other healthy friendships with the same gender.

⚫ We need same-sex friendships to grow. I have heard many girls say, “ate, boyish lang talaga ako, kaya close ako sa boys” and while that could be partially true, I think that’s a really lazy defense. The fact is that when a girl is in the presence of his male friends (kahit pa totally unromantic at walang malisya), she is treated differently and is given unusual attention --- kahit pa one-of-the-boys siya (hello, ask the guys!). Prinsesa siya doon eh. Kasi babae. But when a girl is in the presence of her girlfriends, psychology tells us that there is this instinctive competition when girls get together (not exactly the awayan sort of competition), in that friendships with the opposite sex would mean the necessity of intentionally exerting extra effort and character stretch --- and that’s where growth happens! :)

One of my best friends, Presh. We love hugs!

⚫ Best friend relationships are too intimate by nature. To be engaged in a “best friend relationship” puts on the expectation and commitment to spend quality time with each other, to be available in times of need, to have in-depth conversations and revelations about oneself, and intense care for each other. Bottom line is, best friend relationships entail too much emotional investment and intimacy and can easily lead to romantic feelings. If you say, “hindi naman kami ganyan ka-intimate ng best friend ko kaya okay lang siguro sa case namin”, then why be best friends? I think a young man who is best friends with a young woman is in dangerous territory (unless they are married to each other) since a young woman's heart is easily won over by friendship and emotions. Her heart is vulnerable.

⚫ I’ve always believed that the “best friend” label should be reserved for your future spouse. Gentlemen, when you get married someday, would you appreciate if your wife has a male best friend? Inversely, ladies, when you get married someday, would you like the idea of your husband having a female best friend? :) Go ahead, answer these questions yourself. (itong point lang na ito, solved na 'ko, actually).

Does this mean that single women should never have guy friends? Not at all. It have the blessing of having great guy friends around. But this just means that a single woman’s meaningful relationships should come from female friendships. These are friendships that will last and encourage you in your pursuit of godliness, purity, and marriage. These are friendships that will last long after you say “I do.” <3

Now, let me talk to the guys..

You need to know what’s seriously at stake here-- her heart. But I hear many of you say, “dude, we’re just friends!”. So you really think a woman in her right mind would make such investments of her time and emotions so that one day she can be an emcee on your wedding? Give me a break.

Uhm, REALLY?.... (photo from the internet)

Guys, newsflash: chances are, your girl best friend thinks (or hopes) that something might be going on between you two. Sa tingin niya a great guy like you would not spend time with her, share his deepest feelings, and slightly flirt with her kung wala namang chance of a relationship. Pero at the same time, naguguluhan din siya --- emotionally, intimate ka sa kanya, pero physically, para mo lang siyang nakababatang kapatid. She would want confrontation but would most probably hold it back para maiwasang magmukhang assuming, so she’ll just be glad to take what you give. And while she’s confused, you’re enjoying a benefit that any man would appreciate: the feeling of being liked by a woman.

Madaling i-deny ang responsibility for your girl best friend’s decision to keep yearning for you and thinking that there is more to the friendship when you have never clearly and plainly said (in words, in a language/dialect you both understand, in front of her, with her full name) that you were interested. But that’d be really lame, immature, and very unmanly. Bro, if you’re really interested and ready for a relationship, then pursue her (with an intention of marriage). Clearly define the relationship for what it is.

Pero kung hindi ka pa ready to pursue her or anyone — after all this time — then kindly and respectfully apologize to her if you’ve done anything to give the impression of romance in the friendship, and if you’ve asked her emotional investment and intimacy when you clearly cannot match it with a relational commitment.

When the superficial friendship ends, it will definitely be painful and heartbreaking (parang isang breakup). But you will then clearly see the line that you’ve have crossed. And well, hopefully, magsisimula ka na to really treat women as sisters — physically and emotionally.

Ito naman ang third option: ‘wag mong pansinin ang advise na ito, and ituloy mong idate halfway ang kaibigan mo. But before you do that, let me make one more plea. Song of Solomon often-quoted verse says, "I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases" (Song of Solomon 8:4). This verse is usually used to counsel single women not to prematurely commit themselves romantically, but I want to use it to counsel and admonish you.
Please understand na wala nang ibang makakapag-"stir up or awaken love" in a woman's heart like emotional intimacy and spending time together. And it's the little things that open her heart that draws her heart moment by moment.

Please spare her from being, borrowing Budjoy's words, "so stupid to make the biggest mistake of falling in love with my best friend." *wink*

And although I know it feels good to receive this kind of attention, please recognize this: It's more than her attention you're getting — it's her heart, her love. And, brother, kung ang handa mo lang na ibigay sa kanya is the privilege of being your favorite girl buddy, I'm sorry, but you don't deserve it, and believe me, she deserves better.