When People Leave..

I dedicate this post to every loving small group leader regardless of the number of years in leadership, and to every committed disciple (kung hindi naman committed na disciple, lalong mas dedicated sayo ‘to, tsong!). Hope you’ll read through the whole article... and maybe type in your comments so I can learn from you, too! 

Matthew 13:31-32

“The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.”

The Kingdom of God is bound to grow... no matter what (happens).

Whether you join or not, it is destined to grow. Yes, it is true that God likes using people and including them in the fulfillment of His plans and the expansion of His Kingdom, pero with or without me (you), IT WILL FLOURISH.

Here’s a little heads-up to small group leaders though. Along the way, there might be those who will desert you. Merong mga maganda naman ang dahilan, meron ding mali. May mang-iiwan, tatalikod sa pananampalataya, susukuan ang bagong buhay, at meron ding tatakbo mula sa calling nila to pursue their own ambitions and plans (uhm, ano pa ba?). As a leader, if (if nga ba or, when?) you go through these burdensome situations, remember that,

1. Your labors are not wasted because you have done them primarily as for serving the Lord  anyway (Colossians 3:23).
2. They will leave now as better persons and Christians because, by the grace of God, you have effected change in their lives by the great seeds that you’ve been able to sow in them while you’ve been allowed to lead them. Hope in the knowledge of that. 
3. There’s really a time for everything: a time to search and a time to count as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away (Ecclesiastes 3:6). Change and the shifting of seasons, those we cannot control nor escape. (Pero sana lang ‘wag mong gamiting excuse ‘to sa pagiging unfaithful. May mga changes na God-ordained, pero may mga bagay na tayo lang naman talaga ang nagpupumilit.)
4. We do not own people. Period.
5. We cannot make choices for them. We lead but we do not dictate. We guide them in life, but we do not hold the steering wheel of their lives. Like you and me, they have been given freewill and can use it anytime. Though we mentor them, they are ultimately responsible for their own life choices. You see, in as much as they are free to choose to follow God’s plans, they are also free to choose to steer away from it. Our role is to present the choices and options, and influence them to make the best ones! But we cannot make choices for them. Remember how you can share the gospel to someone but cannot receive it for them or in behalf of them? The same principle applies here. (Pero sana piliin mo yung tama!)
6. If a warrior leaves the battle, God will always raise up another one!

In the Bible, we can find accounts after accounts of how God raises and calls other people when others quit.

• Esau traded his birth right. Jacob became the father of the twelve tribes of Israel.
• Moses disobeyed and as a result didn’t enter the Promised Land. Joshua did.
• The Israelites were all afraid of Goliath. Young shepherd boy David defeated him.
• Judas betrayed Jesus. Matthias was appointed.

Even though some abandon, turn back from, or withdraw from their calling, God will always choose and raise up another one to carry on fulfilling His divine purposes. Oh no, let’s change that... God CAN always raise up another one. He is absolutely able to do that. And at all cost, for His greater purposes’ sake, He will and He can do that.

JOB 42:2 (NIV)

“I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.”

Would God allow His plans to not succeed?

Would God allow His promises go unfulfilled?

Will God be limited by one man’s disobedience?

Will His Kingdom not thrive without you or me?

Sinuman sa atin ay hindi maaaring magmalaki sa diyos. One can simply never think that if he quits or leaves, uurong na ang Kingdom of God. God is too big, too powerful to be shaken by man. God is sovereign and He will never allow His plans go unfulfilled — not by any man's disobedience, nor by any man's disloyal or uncommitted heart. The God we serve is a God who does what He has promised... and He is the same God who will and is able to complete what He has begun!  And may we always remember that NO MAN, no matter how significant or insignificant he may see himself, can thwart God’s purposes.

On a personal note, I thank the Lord for surrounding me with people whom I know and have proven their wholehearted commitment, faithfulness, and unwavering devotion to God and to the work of His ministry. They have not only become my disciples, but life-long friends as well. And my relationship with them, I treasure with all my heart!

May I be clear though that this is not to give license and excuse on being lazy and passive in doing consolidation and our going-after’s of our disciples, or in facing our disciples’ issues and concerns. As leaders who are accountable to people, we must do everything we can by God’s grace to fight for and fight with them. But if they willingly and decisively let go, run away, and get intentionally sidetracked into disobedience or compromise, resisting your leadership, help, wisdom, and love, remember that our Master’s grand and sovereign plan will push through! His Kingdom will press on expanding because it is bound to grow... Whether you join it or get out of it, it is destined to flourish!

Whether you are a cell leader or a cell disciple, I would love to encourage you to not be afraid and to not hold back from pouring out your life for the cause of the Kingdom... because the Kingdom of God is bound to grow --- wala kang lugi dito! And when you start to do so, may you never fall into the deadlock of discouragement in continuing what you do when you see others fall back, having the faith that the Kingdom will thrive no matter what... For we are not among those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved (Hebrews 10:39).

Be strong and courageous.. Do not be discouraged. Tuloy lang ang laban! :)

Is it okay to be best friends with someone of the opposite sex?

If this generation has its Bogs and Mae (Paano Na Kaya, 2010) and Palits and Marian (Close to You, 2006), well my generation had our cute bff's Budjoy and Ned from Marvin & Jolina’s 1998 movie called “Labs Kita, Okay Lang?” (I know, throwback!). All are fictional stories of childhood best friends secretly falling in love with each other but were both reluctant to deal with and admit their feelings so as to preserve the friendship.
Ang daming madaling maka-relate sa mga ganitong movie themes since male-female best friend relationships have become not only possible, but quite common today. And I’d like to share my two cents worth on it.

So, is it okay to be best friends with someone of the opposite sex?

When I give talks about relationships I usually get this question, and my answer would always be that while I do not see cross-gender best friend relationships as morally wrong, I definitely do not encourage and advocate them. Here are some reasons why:

Sleepover with some of my girlfriends in my Baguio apt.

⚫ Our teenage and early twenty years are to be wisely used in investing in healthy same-sex friendships. While it’s true that of the most important social transitions in adolescence is the formation of other-sex peer relationships for social and emotional adjustment, this does not necessarily mean that opposite-sex best friend relationships (OSBFR) will be highly beneficial. For instance, one study found out that teens who engaged in OSBFR's had higher antisocial behaviors compared to others, especially for girls. May tendency kasi na ma-isolate na kayo kung mag-bestfriend kayo since others would normally treat you subtly as a couple. Sayang naman yung opportunity to develop many other healthy friendships with the same gender.

⚫ We need same-sex friendships to grow. I have heard many girls say, “ate, boyish lang talaga ako, kaya close ako sa boys” and while that could be partially true, I think that’s a really lazy defense. The fact is that when a girl is in the presence of his male friends (kahit pa totally unromantic at walang malisya), she is treated differently and is given unusual attention --- kahit pa one-of-the-boys siya (hello, ask the guys!). Prinsesa siya doon eh. Kasi babae. But when a girl is in the presence of her girlfriends, psychology tells us that there is this instinctive competition when girls get together (not exactly the awayan sort of competition), in that friendships with the opposite sex would mean the necessity of intentionally exerting extra effort and character stretch --- and that’s where growth happens! :)

One of my best friends, Presh. We love hugs!

⚫ Best friend relationships are too intimate by nature. To be engaged in a “best friend relationship” puts on the expectation and commitment to spend quality time with each other, to be available in times of need, to have in-depth conversations and revelations about oneself, and intense care for each other. Bottom line is, best friend relationships entail too much emotional investment and intimacy and can easily lead to romantic feelings. If you say, “hindi naman kami ganyan ka-intimate ng best friend ko kaya okay lang siguro sa case namin”, then why be best friends? I think a young man who is best friends with a young woman is in dangerous territory (unless they are married to each other) since a young woman's heart is easily won over by friendship and emotions. Her heart is vulnerable.

⚫ I’ve always believed that the “best friend” label should be reserved for your future spouse. Gentlemen, when you get married someday, would you appreciate if your wife has a male best friend? Inversely, ladies, when you get married someday, would you like the idea of your husband having a female best friend? :) Go ahead, answer these questions yourself. (itong point lang na ito, solved na 'ko, actually).

Does this mean that single women should never have guy friends? Not at all. It have the blessing of having great guy friends around. But this just means that a single woman’s meaningful relationships should come from female friendships. These are friendships that will last and encourage you in your pursuit of godliness, purity, and marriage. These are friendships that will last long after you say “I do.” <3

Now, let me talk to the guys..

You need to know what’s seriously at stake here-- her heart. But I hear many of you say, “dude, we’re just friends!”. So you really think a woman in her right mind would make such investments of her time and emotions so that one day she can be an emcee on your wedding? Give me a break.

Uhm, REALLY?.... (photo from the internet)

Guys, newsflash: chances are, your girl best friend thinks (or hopes) that something might be going on between you two. Sa tingin niya a great guy like you would not spend time with her, share his deepest feelings, and slightly flirt with her kung wala namang chance of a relationship. Pero at the same time, naguguluhan din siya --- emotionally, intimate ka sa kanya, pero physically, para mo lang siyang nakababatang kapatid. She would want confrontation but would most probably hold it back para maiwasang magmukhang assuming, so she’ll just be glad to take what you give. And while she’s confused, you’re enjoying a benefit that any man would appreciate: the feeling of being liked by a woman.

Madaling i-deny ang responsibility for your girl best friend’s decision to keep yearning for you and thinking that there is more to the friendship when you have never clearly and plainly said (in words, in a language/dialect you both understand, in front of her, with her full name) that you were interested. But that’d be really lame, immature, and very unmanly. Bro, if you’re really interested and ready for a relationship, then pursue her (with an intention of marriage). Clearly define the relationship for what it is.

Pero kung hindi ka pa ready to pursue her or anyone — after all this time — then kindly and respectfully apologize to her if you’ve done anything to give the impression of romance in the friendship, and if you’ve asked her emotional investment and intimacy when you clearly cannot match it with a relational commitment.

When the superficial friendship ends, it will definitely be painful and heartbreaking (parang isang breakup). But you will then clearly see the line that you’ve have crossed. And well, hopefully, magsisimula ka na to really treat women as sisters — physically and emotionally.

Ito naman ang third option: ‘wag mong pansinin ang advise na ito, and ituloy mong idate halfway ang kaibigan mo. But before you do that, let me make one more plea. Song of Solomon often-quoted verse says, "I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases" (Song of Solomon 8:4). This verse is usually used to counsel single women not to prematurely commit themselves romantically, but I want to use it to counsel and admonish you.
Please understand na wala nang ibang makakapag-"stir up or awaken love" in a woman's heart like emotional intimacy and spending time together. And it's the little things that open her heart that draws her heart moment by moment.

Please spare her from being, borrowing Budjoy's words, "so stupid to make the biggest mistake of falling in love with my best friend." *wink*

And although I know it feels good to receive this kind of attention, please recognize this: It's more than her attention you're getting — it's her heart, her love. And, brother, kung ang handa mo lang na ibigay sa kanya is the privilege of being your favorite girl buddy, I'm sorry, but you don't deserve it, and believe me, she deserves better.

While Yet Unmarried, Prepare

Last week my Daddy Pastor preached a message about marriage. It was intended for married couples, but I was able to take home some reflections for singles or the unmarried :)

In marriage....

• you will accept the person for who he/she is. So while yet unmarried, you have the opportunity to observe and choose! Contrary to popular advise, when you get attracted to someone, ‘wag ka agad mag-dive into a romantic relationship with him/her. If you immediately do, palalabuin lang nito ang goal mo of first getting to know the real nature of people around you bago ma mag-desisyon who to pursue (if you’re a man) or who to allow to develop a deeper friendship with (if you’re a woman). In marriage, no return, no exchange! So while unmarried, observe keenly and choose wisely... at ‘wag excited to be in a relationship agad-agad :)

• the man will be the leader of the family. The woman submits to the man’s leadership in marriage (Ephesians 5:22-23). This is not a signal of male superiority or of the greater importance of men. It is simply God's design and assignment of equally valuable roles among spiritually equal beings. So while unmarried, women, be careful and wise in choosing someone whom you will submit to. Men, WORK! :) Develop your spiritual, emotional, and intellectual muscles to be the best leader you can be to your future family, because by then you won’t be leading just yourself but a whole bunch of precious people dependent and submissive to your leadership.

Even after 29 years, Dad & Mom still HHWW (hold hands while walking) Yeehe

• the man will be the pastor of the family. Ladies, if you choose someone who is NOT a Christian (I mean a real Christian), what can you expect of him in terms of (a) raising up a “Christian & Godly family”? and (b) in terms of loving you like Christ (if he is not a lover of the presence of God?). It’s been said that you cannot give what you don’t have. If a man then does not receive the revelation of Christ’s love (Ephesians 5:25), how can he love you in the way God wants you be loved? Hindi dapat madaan sa kilig na pwede nilang idulot sayo. Do not settle for less; do not settle for someone na magaling magpa-kilig, pero hindi naman alam ang love of God. Totoong Christian dapat :) Wait for someone with strong foundations in the faith who'll be able to excellently pastor a family someday! (my edge is that I have an amazing Dad who is truly a great pastor to our family--- I kinda have an idea na of the one I'm waiting for)

• the man provides. You don’t have to be financially super rich, but you must have at least gained the integrity of someone who is financially responsible and financially dependable. Men, it is again your responsibility while waiting to work out your esteem as one who is financially able, disciplined and wise.

Marriage is sacred unto the Lord. Hindi siya bahay-bahayan lang. So while yet unmarried, as you wait, prepare. <3

The Forbidden Tree

Why do we feel that if we are not in a relationship we are unable to enjoy life to the fullest?

Genesis 3:1 (NIV) “Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"

Kung naka-sentro ang isip at atensyon natin sa isang puno na hindi pa natin maaaring makamtan [at the moment], hindi na natin napagmamasdan ang lahat ng mga puno na maaarin naman nating ma-enjoy. Kaya para bang hinihinto at nilalagay natin on-hold ang iba’t-ibang bahagi ng ating buhay habang naka-tanod at naka-masid naman tayo doon sa isang puno na parang out of reach. Nai-imagine ko na biglang sisingit ang serpent para tanungin tayo ng isang very misleading question... “Ibig mong sabihin pagkakaitan ka ng Diyos na ma-enjoy mo ang buhay mo? Ang lupit naman yata ‘nun?”... But don’t fall for it! It’s a trap! God wants you to enjoy life... Pero hindi ito pwedeng mangyari kung mananatili kang naka-titig at naka-masid dyan sa isang puno na ‘yan.

Take a look around you. Breath, look, taste, enjoy, savor! Baka mag-iba na ang mga ‘yan bukas o makalawa. Do not get caught up in what you don’t have. Take another look. What do you see? Wonderful friends, new opportunities, doors for ministry, activities to try, new things to learn, experiences to gain... I dare you to enjoy what are available.

As Jim Elliot famously wrote, “Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living”. Today is today. Let tomorrow worry about itself. Do not fail to see that there are unlimited opportunities available for you today... God has amazing things prepared for us in every stage of our lives. May the joyful anticipation of what the next stage may bring NOT blanket the joys of living and embracing the stage we're in.
What to do with these longings? Throw them and lay them at God’s altar. And trust Him.


Should you put enjoying life to the fullest on hold until you change your relationship status? I think not!
Is God really telling you to not enjoy life to the fullest? I think not! <3